imagine my voice saying these words; then take another xanax.

Rejection Letter #1 (With Comments)

*In all Rejection Letters found on this meger space, now and in times to follow, I have attempted to reproduce the piece of paper as it actually is, including margins - Ed.*

[Letterhead consists of 1/3 of top of page with lists of names: people who work there, people who are wishing they didn’t work there, people (including one “Schulte-Bidlack” person) who the editor, in retrospect, is happy she doesn’t have to struggle to pronouce the names of]

December 22, 2008

Catherin Loya (seriously? that doesn’t even LOOK right, you troglodyte)

Dear Ms: (…….the magazine?)

I regret to inform you (but is it sincere?) that I have filled the position of Legal Assistant (oh good! i hope this person will be composing your letters in the future) and will be unable to offer you a position at this time.  I appreciate your interest in this office.  Your resume will be on file for future consideration (please take it off).

Thank you again, (again? maybe i missed the thank you card, attached)

Sincerely, (oh, stop, you)

[Signed by Prosecuting Attorney for Misc County] (in pencil, no less)