you might want to turn your volume down.

I think the answer is “never.”

When will I stop lying to my parents?

Is it some weird defensive move? I think it’s avoidance. I don’t want to have that conversation, or that argument, so I just skip it and lie.

Example: I don’t want to be an insurance agent. I just don’t. They think it’s a great idea. I tell them I am thinking about it and I will go ahead and interview with somebody about it. But I won’t. I won’t even call them back.

I don’t want to. Why? What sense of entitlement has led me to say things like that? There are jobs hiding in dark corners, afraid to come out to the light, and I am standing around passing by the ones I know might be there, just because “I don’t want to.” You know what, say the long-time unemployed? Fuck you.

Okay, fuck me.

Is that a lie I tell myself to justify that attitude, the lie that goes, well, if I work in a place or at a job that I don’t want or enjoy, then I won’t be very good at it, and then I’ll suffer and my relationships will suffer and that will be worse than whatever I have going on right now? I worked too hard to get where I am! Ha. I did. That’s the best part.

So far I have only accomplished a renewed appreciation for Jack Daniel’s.