January 2010
1 post
burning bright
there is a fantastic novella written by john steinbeck by this name. it’s actually more of a play in novella format, to be clear. you should pick it up. it reminds me of a lot of things, this novella. particularly it reminds me of a poem by an altogether different author.
welcome to 2010, the year of the tiger. the year of this tiger. the year that this tiger counts her scars alongside...
November 2009
3 posts
“We must be careful about what we pretend to be.”
– Kurt Vonnegut, Mother Night.
15 Things Kurt Vonnegut Said Better Than Anyone Else Ever Has or Ever Will.
(via raymitheminx)
(via superfoo)
(via monsterbeard)
without you:
i would be playing too much xbox 360. my life would be more exciting, more involved, more bloody and more significant, but all because i could change it at the touch of a button. in the morning, i would still be me, without a controller.
i would be drinking too much. i would swing upon the pendulum of my heart breaking and my fists pounding, thinking about how much i missed your face, your...
tramp-o-line.
we’re playing pokemon platinum edition. it’s reminded me about a thousand times over the past 48 hours how much i fucking love this woman. thank you, God. you truly are a good god.
S is practicing her cello tonight. i’m also taking an extra dose of my pain meds and washing it down with some tecate since i’m out of the xanax. are these two things related? who can say!
...
October 2009
3 posts
okay, fine, i'm full of shit, whatever.
let me tell you a little something about being alive.
it actually is exactly like they tell you in the books. i’m proving my own “original” (ha!) literary theory of the difference between literature and books. being alive is about moments you will forever spend attempting to tell other people about: why it was so something, the reason it was so significant, convicting, amazing...
A Story, in its Parts.
i am, perhaps, completely and totally ill-equipped for this adventure.
i thought i was really well-equipped. initial shock of realizing that gee, i’m actually just searching for tools that don’t even exist yet in my repertoire, tools that need to be found or bought for a priceless price, tools the handles of your fingers are accustomed to already, tools that i desperately want to...
i shall (and have) returned.
“….occasionally, I have these thoughts that are different than my facebook thing, and they’re actually interesting, and I want to write them down…….”
see, this is why I love M. one of the MANY enormous reasons that words are perfectly suited/completely inadequate for. indeed.
you know what I hate? the fact I double-space shit. that only happened because I...
May 2009
1 post
i get very frustrated with someone i work with...
let’s talk about a lack of experience for a moment.
parameters: experience in life, to wit:
having your heart broken, being so angry at the person you love you want to break things, losing a loved one suddenly, being arrested, being in a car accident, not having any money, not having a job, not even knowing how to get a job, knowing how but not caring, being able to work the system so you...
April 2009
3 posts
it's happened before.
do you think orange, lime green, and yellow enjoy being “hipster” colors? brown and eggshell blue had their day, but now it’s time for brighter hues to go with your pretentious and unrelenting sarcastic outlook on life and culture.
i haven’t read any good books lately. mainly because i haven’t been to the bookstore. the last book i read was before we moved, which was...
they go on sinking.....
M: You have two computers, and both of them are in the kitchen. That’s the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen.
I have two brothers. I technically have four. Do I love them the same? Does any set of parent love their individual children the same? Of course. Do I like them the same? Of course not. And ditto.
But two of my brothers, well, I acquired. And two, I was born with, and lost, and...
....but then
i was going to post a new entry here, regarding loading up my old computer (2001-2006) and putting old files on this computer (2006 - ?), but then i found myself using the phrase “old journal entries of mine” and promptly shot myself in the face.
March 2009
9 posts
in which i return, with a marked lack of triumph.
hello.
i’m watching QVC right now, where they’re selling me lobster grams (choice of 6 or 12). they’re on three easy payments, even. i cannot afford said grams, but they do look awfully good.
i also am fascinated by the concept of how much money they’re saving me if i buy 12 rather than 6, because it’s not double the price of the 6. so i’m saving money by...
did i say sore throats?
i meant mono! i even had a blood test today at the doctor’s office! isn’t that totally fucking awesome? i know! it’s like a party in my motherfucking mouth! and throat! and pants! and joints! and head! awsesome! fuck!
now, we have sore throats.
so now both M and i have sore throats and are sick in that shitty, fever-and-achey way. we’re both lying on the couch, sharing a blanket and a 12-pack of ginger ale. we had some pizza. what i really want is some chips and salsa, but my throat would be angry at me.
tomorrow is sunday, and we are anticipating more of the same.
st patrick’s day is on tuesday. come hell or high water,...
is this the new thing?
i wish it would work FOR me, for once, rather than against me. this is the second time i’ve had an agency cancel an interview because they’ve decided to hire someone right away. like, who are these people that are so fucking awesome at interviews that they just decimate the other canidates? what are their techniques? threats? i could get into that.
it’s okay. it’s okay....
and then nothing turned itself inside out
…and became……a proposal. that’s how these things start, you know, poetry and music and shots and kings and queens (rather, dynasties), and all else that comes with same.
but do you start with nothing, really? not at all. you start with something—something no one can take from you. that is the biggest trick of all, that you do, in fact, start with something, and...
carta blanca?
i keep thinking either tabula rosa or magna carta, neither one really fits this particular thing. or does it? it’d be great if, while sitting around signing the magna carta, everybody was drinking. or drunking, even better.
i am making quesadillas. i just keep thinking of that scene in “napoleon dynamite” with his g-ma. after that, i’m a little lost. i know there is...
gone but i don't know where
how do you move around your playlist on a CD you are/aren’t making for a friend and brother? I DON’T KNOW. fuck you, iTunes.
i can’t wait for that to be my only hit on google. then they will come and electrocute me.
(they?)
the new apartment is amazing. we have a lazy susan, that actually needs to be more of a lazy suzanne. suszanne. soo-zzz-ann. whatever. it has a lot of...
ferrets and flats.
we have another ferret.
i’ll give you a moment to soak that in.
his name is Nico.
in other news, promptly after getting said ferret, we got a flat tire. and there wasn’t enough room in the truck. so i sat on the side of the road with Nico in his box with the words “I’m Going Home!” written in orange letters on the side, and waited for rescue.
nobody honked.
shitfest.
so i have the flu. it sucks. like the thowing up, the evil coming out everywhere flu. did i say i have the flu? i think i just mean the evil.
apparently, this is going around.
i applied to a job i really want today. who knows what that means. i applied to it with one eye cracked open, no glasses on, and what i hoped was real clicking and not random clicking. i can’t wait until someone...
February 2009
6 posts
on demand!
yo. so we packed up the majority of the kitchen today. KBP keeps telling me over and over that she’s “addicted” to mario kart for wii. that’s good—i like to encourage healthy habits.
as a result of packing and moving, last night i had a glass of macallan 12 on the rocks, in a SOLO plastic cup. oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i have also decided to see if i can make...
established in milwaukee 1844
name that tune.
we wait, and what do we wait for? who is we? me and…….well, not just me. i hesitate to say the word (type it, at least) “generation,” because that has now, since the advent of “the 60s,” become trite. but what do we wait for? do we have any greatness left in us? in this decade. in this……well.
let me tell you: i see greatness every...
happy v-day!
not that v! or that one either. pervert.
apparently M has some sort of nefarious surprise dinner planned for me. where is it? “ten minutes away.” what should i wear “you know.”
i don’t!
there are some postings coming up for legal writing instructors at the law school that would pay sweet cash, so i’m trying to keep my eyes (and internet fingers) open. the...
back breaker.
hello! mission: throw out most of the kbp’s (kid-by-proxy) toys is now accomplished! you wouldn’t believe the shit that kid’s got down there, holy moly. i threw out almost thirty bags of stuff. hence, now my back is broken. oops.
so the real purpose for this post, though, is about joaquin phoenix. holy shit, dude. what the fuck is wrong with him? i don’t watch...
pabst blue ribbon.
i know it got a blue ribbon. it’s even on the can! seriously, why would you even drink it from the bottle? you’re drinking fucking pabst for chrissakes. but so tasty!
do i like miller high life better? i don’t know! But i love figuring it out.
and what, exactly, is that lady on the moon doing on that can?
it's actually a real ethical rule.
you can’t sleep with your clients, unless you were already sleeping with them to begin with.
uh……okay. thanks, weird ethical rules of lawyering.
i bring this up because monday morning, bright and early, M slipped and fell in the un-fucking-salted employee parking lot at work. now, i’ve fallen, and that sucks, but when M falls? that’s a big fucking issue, because...
January 2009
14 posts
a thin wire of grief
Robert Hass
Meditation at Lagunitas
All the new thinking is about loss. In this it resembles all the old thinking. The idea, for example, that each particular erases the luminous clarity of a general idea. That the clown- faced woodpecker probing the dead sculpted trunk of that black birch is, by his presence, some tragic falling off from a first world of undivided light. Or the other...
WatchOpportunities.
Rejection Letter #1 (With Comments)
*In all Rejection Letters found on this meger space, now and in times to follow, I have attempted to reproduce the piece of paper as it actually is, including margins - Ed.*
[Letterhead consists of 1/3 of top of page with lists of names: people who work there, people who are wishing they didn’t work there, people (including one “Schulte-Bidlack” person) who the editor, in...
soon i will show you.
i am smoking again. it seemed like a good time to start over. and hell, everybody’s doing it, now aren’t they?
i am also listening to: michigan. soundgarden. both, yes indeed.
so far i have seen a painted picture, bled into the sun; pennsylvania. i will show you -
moving(?)
i might be moving to an apartment. here’s my suggestion to you: don’t get married. if you do, for fuck’s sake, don’t buy a house together. yikes.
don’t worry, M is coming along, of course. more to come. there are some things to discuss, you and i! we have much to speak about. for now, i will continue to make dinner for my family. soup for the little sick...
i don't, you know. care, i mean.
good news! the party’s over. but the fun’s just getting started! yow!
i’m reading richard matheson’s short stories now. wow. please do yourself a favor and….wait. wait just a fucking second.
i hate it when people say “please do yourself a favor.” it’s pretentious and awful. like saying “look, i’m begging you to do something...
stupid fucking self-pity party.
today: i am depressed. there are eight billion reasons why this is stupid. i just feel….and here i grasp for words, trying to figure out how best to put it, but wind up with: bad. I just feel bad. and i feel guilty for feeling bad, because as soon as i confess to feeling bad, then all the people and thoughts and things that really are bad rush into my mind. i think about people who have...
I think the answer is "never."
When will I stop lying to my parents?
Is it some weird defensive move? I think it’s avoidance. I don’t want to have that conversation, or that argument, so I just skip it and lie.
Example: I don’t want to be an insurance agent. I just don’t. They think it’s a great idea. I tell them I am thinking about it and I will go ahead and interview with somebody about it. But...
the autobot. →
Dissatisfied; Hoping.
Let me be brutally honest with you and completely clear with no trace of clouds: I love prosecuting cases. It’s a high-stress, demanding job, but it challenges me in so many ways, daily, that it’s quite rewarding through the whole mess. I like being in the courtroom, I like being nervous, I like being in control, I like it all.
The fact that I can’t do that right now is...
By Way of (re)introduction.
After a significant absence, I have returned.
Now, that’s rather dramatic, isn’t it? Let’s try something else. Hi. Remember me? I was once a great visitor to these vast, blank spaces, and it led to so many things both great and small. But then I got the job of a lifetime! The job I always wanted! The job I had worked myself half to death (for free!) to get! And then, I...
